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ASR
Super Robot
Posts: 10911
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« Reply #201 on: 16 September 2008, 00:34:55 » |
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My teacher LOVED it. Might as well repost it on this page to make things easier. This was my first college essay, an argumentative paper. It is exactly as I turned it in. It contains crude language, which MMM censors anyway. But yeah.
I don't REALLY hate Dane Cook this much, and I don't mind watching him that much. But all my points remain the same.
Enjoy.
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Why Dane Cook Isn’t Funny.
By Alec Robbins, just telling it like it is.
##### Dane Cook. How’s that for a thesis statement? I mean, come on. The lame bastard does nothing but shout a lot and laugh at his own jokes on stage. He steals jokes from fellow comics (who all hate him) like Louis C.K. and Demetri Martin. His routines are devoid of any real humor and rarely do you ever see a genuine joke. Now, since I seem to be on my own here when compared to the rest of today’s youth, I’m gonna’ go ahead let you all know that I was once a fan. It’s true – I once thought Dane Cook was the bee’s knees. He’s famous for a reason: he does his job and he makes people laugh. The problem here is that there are so many people doing his job better and making people laugh harder on a daily basis.
It’s really just an issue of taste. You just outgrow this asshole. If you watch enough stand-up (you know, real comics like George Carlin and Dave Chappelle and Richard Pryor) you’ll see your taste in stand-up expand. You’ll suddenly see just how much of a failure Dane Cook is. You’ll just have a moment where you’re sitting there on the couch, watching Vicious Circle on HBO as the loser runs around on his odd stage shouting to the crowd about how fun it is to lie, when you’ll blink once, maybe twice, look up at the ceiling, and say to no one but yourself, “Oh, dear god. What have I been doing with my life?”
It’s going to happen. My job is to just help you get there faster.
So, his act. Really. His act. I’ve seen all of Mr. Cook’s specials. I’ve listened to all of his CD’s. I regret treating both my eyes and my ears so badly. The poor fellow just spends his time running around his stage telling dumb stories, or rather yelling dumb stories, all of which are coated with a thin veil of false insight. As in, they really are just stories where very little happens, and any humor one may find in them (as rare as that may be) comes from the way he tells them. Which is just him saying the same thing over and over again. “Oh, look, dear! Dane said someone ##### on the coats! Now he said someone ##### on or around them! Oh, look at this! Now he’s saying someone ##### on the coats again!”
That really happens. That’s really one of his most famous bits. Just him screaming about how someone ##### on the coats.
Yes. Really.
Dane Cook’s act can be summed up as follows: “man screams the same thing over and over again while he flails around on stage smiling like a madman!”
Ugh. The smiling. The giggles. When he makes a crack that really gets the crowd laughing, he giggles. The ego-driven bastard giggles. And then he’ll repeat the joke again. Because it worked. Somehow, he got the crowd to laugh. So of course the same joke is going to make them laugh again!
The man has no talents. He’s a real hack. He’s the same as that guy you hang out with who falls down some stairs and then gets up, laughing, and says “Haha, I just fell down some stairs!” and then tells the same story to someone else later in the day.
And sure, that’s funny. But really not. You can’t pull that sort of ##### and call yourself a comic.
I hope I’m getting through to you guys. I mean, #####ing Dane Cook. If I wanted to prove why he wasn’t funny, I’d just hand you some DVD’s with Demetri Martin and Katt Williams and Patton Oswalt and Mitch Hedberg and Ron White on them.
Every person has their own taste. New Yorkers love Jerry Seinfeld, black people love Chris Rock, rednecks love Jeff Foxworthy. But no one should ever think Dane Cook is funny… and yet some people do.
So, if I haven’t gotten through to you yet, how about I bring up the next big issue? Dane Cook steals jokes. Demetri Martin told a joke about how he walked into a shoe store and the clerk kept giving him the wrong shoe size. And then Dane Cook told the same joke.
Louis C.K. told three jokes, one about an itchy asshole, one more about someone getting hit by a car, and a third about giving your kids silly names. And then Dane Cook told three jokes, one about an itchy asshole, one more about someone getting hit by a car, and a third about giving your kids silly names.
Joe Rogan has spoken many times about how Dane Cook has performed a bit that Joe once did at a club where Dane was present.
The worst part is, it really wouldn’t matter if Dane Cook was better at telling the jokes, because at least then you might forgive him. But they’re all so much better when told by the people that wrote them themselves. And speaking of writing…
I have never witnessed Dane Cook tell a real joke. He tells long stories that have no real substance; talks of absurd situations that might be called funny; he stretches out certain words or uses odd ones that one maybe wouldn’t use on a normal basis instead of one that would be.
That’s not humor.
The man doesn’t put an ounce of effort into his act. A lot of it is just him laughing with self love because he made some guy in the crowd laugh. More of it is just him running around making dumb faces. Most of it is just plain not funny at all. And sure, “to each his own,” but if I haven’t gotten through to you by now, maybe I never will.
I’m on your side, buddy.
I want you to love stand-up.
I want you to see what else there is out there.
Dane Cook isn’t funny.
You can do so much better.
I figure that at this point, I’m only talking to the most hardcore of Dane Cook fans, because every one else should have left by now and started watching some classic George Carlin.
I’ll recap for you. To make it all very clear. Dane Cook just shouts and laughs at himself. Dane Cook steals jokes from people that are actually funny. And then he makes those jokes NOT funny. Dane Cook doesn’t tell any real jokes or write any solid work.
If you’re still thinking in the back of your head that I’m an asshole and Dane Cook is THE ##### and he’s the greatest thing ever, then I’m just going to give up. If I’ve convinced you, then great. I’ve just unlocked a whole new world of stand-up for you.
Just to make sure I was speaking to all whom I could be, including many of the morons who love Dane Cook for whatever twisted reasons, I haven’t used a single word in this paper that has more than two syllables. Well, #####, I just did now. Odd that “syllable” is the word that kills it. But yeah, go ahead. Look up. Re-read it all. Aside from names of other comics, or things like “DVD” and “HBO,” I’m clean.
I couldn’t even #####ing use the word “comedian,” but it’s not like it should ever be used in the same context as “Dane Cook” anyway.
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Majikn
Super Robot
Posts: 2354
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« Reply #215 on: 16 September 2008, 06:52:51 » |
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Ugh. The smiling. The giggles. When he makes a crack that really gets the crowd laughing, he giggles. The ego-driven bastard giggles. And then he’ll repeat the joke again. Because it worked. Somehow, he got the crowd to laugh. So of course the same joke is going to make them laugh again! It's not ego. I don't try to be a comedian or anything, but I like making people laugh. Part of it's probably a self-esteem thing, but it works and people seem to find me funny, so whatever. But anyway we were in the break room at work, everyone was making fun of this girl who, for some reason, smelled like gasoline. She ended up saying, "You guys are assholes." And of course I rarely say anything because I'm the shy type so everyone was surprised to hear me say "I'm sorry, did you say GAS-hole?" HONESTLY didn't think it was very funny at all. I still don't. But I blurted it out all the same, and EVERYONE in the room was laughing. I was so caught off guard by that that I wanted to laugh, as well. I ended up just hiding behind a big smile. So... yeah. Think of all that, plus the fact that laughter's contagious. He shouldn't be laughing at his own jokes if he's into this as a professional career, but it's not necessarily an ego thing. Not that I care for Dane Cook. In my experience, though, I like making people laugh. I don't try to be a professional, I don't try to make money out of it, I just like making people laugh. In the end it's not about making me look good; it's (at worst) about making me feel better about myself, and if people are laughing, it's a good thing. But I'm just saying that so that you don't include non-comedians in your little hate list. And who the hell says 'JEN-you-whine'? For me it's always been 'JEN-you-win'. |
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The Exorcist has taught me that when I'm losing an argument I may save face by vomiting on the opposition.
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preventerWIND
Super Robot
Posts: 6423
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« Reply #227 on: 12 October 2008, 04:00:20 » |
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But I guess I perceive my character as a serious type guy...
Actually, most of the stories I create in my that involves anyone here is usually serious.
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ASR
Super Robot
Posts: 10911
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« Reply #241 on: 1 November 2008, 03:50:01 » |
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I've started drawing page 2, but I'm really busy all the end of this week until Sunday. So, uh, don't expect anything 'till Monday. Posted on: 23 October 2008, 00:02:49
I've been meaning to do this for a while. It won't mean anything to any of you, but it's still pretty cool. When we changed the bass drum heads waaaaaaaaaay back in the beginning of the season, I had the idea to take one home and draw everyone on it. It's been more than a few months now. But today, for some reason, I got off my ass and did it. It turned out great, if you know what the people look like. I don't expect you guys to care, but I felt like posting it anyway. The numbers represent what number bass drum they play, for the record. Bass 3's name isn't really Taneshia, it's Mason. But Taneshia was the person who played Bass 3 before him and she quit, Mason replaced her. So we call him Taneshia to push his buttons and it's hilarious. So at the last second, I wrote Taneshia instead of his real name. He is not amused. |
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Author
