So, I've been NOT playing this game for a long time, for one reason and one reason alone.
Since I know this is such a horrible game, I wanted to turn it into something like what the Nostalgia Critic or AVGN does, and use my misery of playing the game and turn it into a comical effort, as well as review the game. Unlike those two though, I do things that are family friendly, clean, and wholesome. (No potty mouth)
This is me playing a blind run of one of the worst Mega Man games ever to have been born...
As much as I love this series... I played the intro stage alone, and this game is just abysmal. I can fully understand why this is the worst of the series.
So let's.... *sigh*... jump right in. Into this... this... mistake of a "game", if it even still classifies as that. This... is....
A non-video, commentary review
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How this works: Since I do not own a real camera to record and edit footage, and I'm unwilling to buy it, you're going to have to make do by either actually PLAYING the game, viewing already recorded footage of the game, or just read along. I'll be pausing the game to make a comment, and as a result, I'll have to stop every now and then to give my comments. This will totally kill my time displayed in "playing the game" but I hope that doesn't affect the gameplay. Here it goes.
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Alright, so I put the game in my PS2 and my memory card in. Let's start it off.
Now to be fair, I have played X6 and X8, so I'll be making a lot of comparisons to those games. Seeing as how X8 was actually FUN compared to X6, I'm going to NAIVELY say this will be a step up, but still keep my expectations lower than X8. Let's see what this game does with that. GAME START-O
So here's an intro. As I expected, the graphics are PS2 graphics, but a step down from X8. This game looks like it'll be fun from that intro, but I see it's not all 2D platforming.
We're also introduced to a new character. Axl. He was kinda alright in X8, and this is his debut game. Anyway, pressing start. I do enjoy that the game says "MEGA MAN X7". Reminds me of X4.
So we start with
the intro movie. There's a guy who's been given some money, and some reploids are about to break in.
? ? ?: This is it. Ready to rock?Axl: I'm always ready.WHAT IS... WHAT IS WITH AXL'S VOICE!? Alright. Okay. Yeah, my expectations of this game just fell. The voice acting doesn't sound that great.
So they break in, and this dude kills this other guy, and this other reploid takes this case of money... or whatever it is, and hides in a closet (assume what you will). There, his partner finds him, and apparently this guy's name is Aluce.
Well, his so called friend decides to backstab and shoot him in the chest. And then we see him... morph into Axl. Aluce then proceeds to be in shock and say "How did you do that?"
Now we're given a brief explanation of what's happening. Mavericks attack, yadda yadda we know this, intro to X and he's such an awesome hun-... oh. He's... leaving the Maverick Hunters. Why? Because he's tired of fighting and doesn't agree with their methods of fighting.
Okay X. So let's do the math. There's at least 8 Mavericks in every game (aside from them reappearing in the final stages), and you've been through 6 games. So after ripping apart over 48 mavericks... NOW you decide that what you've been doing is wrong? Whatever.
So X is leaving the Maverick Hunters.
X: "Why must reploids fight one another? I've had enough violence!"WHAT... WHY... HOW... WHY DOES X SOUND LIKE THAT?
My gosh... X and Axl... I don't know what's wrong with them, but they don't sound right. They either sound whiny, or just... it's terrible. We're moving on.
So since X left, another organization called Red Alert was born. Apparently that guy from earlier was Red, and they were the ones to hunt down Mavericks. Now Red and Axl are leaving Red Alert, and "this decision will change destiny itself." Thanks game for trying to make this all so dramatic. I really don't care.
So Axl says he'll become a hunter on his own... and it's INTRO STAGE TIME! Finally, that was really long.
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INTRO STAGE------------------
So let's get the controls with Axl, who we're playing as. He shoots with Square, Jumps with X, dashes with Circle, and does some special move (probably copy) with Triangle. All L and R buttons do nothing, but that's probably weapon related.
Pressing select when the game tells you will get Axl to monolouge (in text) about hints in the game. In this instance, it's about the laser in front of you.
I also notice that Axl doesn't have rapid fire like he did in X8. You have to mash Square to rapidly shoot. Holding X lets him hover. So basically, he's Falcon Armor X. His running animation is faster than how he runs, which looks... really off. I hate it.
So the R2 button is used to switch your ability to lock-on. And dashing twice while dashing will make you roll. That... might be bad for me.
THESE TEXT EXPLANATIONS TAKE FOREVER. I can't press a single button to scroll through it. They don't get to the point fast enough.
Anyway, Triangle is called A-Trance. You use it to steal abilities. And... I just died. They turned the game into a 3rd person 3D perspective. They threw bombs and killed me... and Axl goes
"OOOOOooooooh" and hovers, flashes, and then disappears.
.... WOW. That's... where to begin.
Aside from how poor this animation is, how Axl dies is... it's like he's ENJOYING IT.
"Oh I'm dying... I'm OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooh sweet death! Mmmmmmmmm"So I stole this robot's ability and he skates around, and again... animation is weird. I bet if I keep commenting on the animation, I'll be typing forever. My energy bar is decreasing, so Im gonna put it to use, but this guy THROWS A BOMB SO SLOW, and you have to stand still while you throw it. If this is all that A-Trance offers, WHAT'S THE POINT OF USING IT? You're better off shooting these things. The A-Trance refills once it's done though, at least they were nice to allow you to reuse your crappy ability. Oh joy. Here's a little something I'm going to refuse to use.
I went into a room with spinning sonars, and there was a room I missed, and with how this game is set up, I killed myself to check it out. The game wouldn't let me go back, so I committed suicide.
If you look past the terrible animation, and just try to play the game at your best... it's a little fun I guess. It's like playing Mega Man Legends, except that'd be more fun and interesting. Anyway, there wasn't a room I missed. The game's graphics played a trick on me I guess. Moving on. Some walls in this game are climable, and others aren't, but you can't tell which ones they are. Keep shooting things, and you get to the security door. You attack it when it's red. Not hard.
Onto part 2. Axl's on a road.
Axl: "Phew! Somebody please tell me I'm through the worst of it."I think Axl was voiced by some random fat kid off the street. Honestly.
Axl gets attacked, and Zero pops in.
Zero: "I can't believe I'm back here again, What the heck happened? They really made a mess."......................
Okay so... when I originally heard Zero speak years ago, it sounded like Naraku from Inu-Yasha. NovaMan XP once said he sounds like an old man. But in any case... his voice is terrible. I think the problem is that... he sounds like he DOESN'T CARE. You'd think Zero would be cool and collected and full of energy, but he just sounds like he's tired of this hunting job, and here he goes again. Boy Zero, how enthusiastic.
So now I'm playing as Zero. Finally, something I can enjoy! I think...
Zero can double jump by double tapping X, and he slashes with Square... but they look so slow and delayed... this doesn't sound good. This stage takes place on a road like in X1, complete with those giant bees.
When you slash in mid-air, you can't control where you're moving unlike the past games. Again, not a good thing.
You can KINDA dash jump off of walls, but it's nothing like the past games. This engine is not like the past games at all. This is totally new, and it feels butchered.
If you stay under a bee and just randomly slash, it goes down. Nothing hard. Nothing fun. Just stupid.
I like how Zero can just MOVE THROUGH THE PROPELLER of the destroyed Bee, and be standing inside it, like half of his body just assimilates in the bee. The graphics in this game are just OUTSTANDING. Capcom needs an award.
Random walker enemies from X1 appear. They just... appear. In thin air. You can tell Capcom really tried with this game's graphics. Just keep slashing and they're dead. Again, not hard. Not fun. Another bee. Repeat the process with the earlier bee.
Game switches back to 3D at this point (ugh). Random enemies appear and stuff. I don't really care. Zero can reflect bullet attacks with slashes.
Another Bee, but it's in 3D. And yes, you can just stand under it and slash. Thing is... you're not really exactly standing under it. You're under it yes, but this time, you're also INSIDE it. It doesn't hurt you or anything, it's just poor graphics. Thanks Capcom.
So the bee explodes. I REALLY hate this 3D perspective. I can't see what's up ahead.
Now we teleport into part 3, and it's 2D. We head into a COMPRESSOR COMPRESSOR COMPRESSOR COMPRESSOR... wait, that wasn't hard at all.
Huh. The compressors in X2 were harder and more thrilling than this.
So Axl runs into Zero, and Zero tells him to wait. Axl asks him if he's stupid and that he's in danger. GOTTA KEEP MOVING ZERO. LISTEN TO HIM HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. Zero asks him if he's connected with the incident (that has yet to be explained. The cars and roads are destroyed, and there's no explanation.) Axl doesn't know what he's talking about, but then he sees "it coming" and leaves.
Giant robot scorpion falls from the sky.
Zero: "What's going on?"Okay. I know if you read that, it sounds like a question... but he didn't say that. This guy's voice is so terrible, he doesn't really ACT. Again, Zero just makes a statement as if he's uninterested.
"What's going on."I'm hating this game. So you "run" (really walk" because deflecting shots do nothing and the screen moves so slow). You catch up with Axl, and Zero says
"You got some explaining to do."LUCY! YOU GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DOOOOOOOO
Axl says he'll tell him later after he takes care of things. He also knows who Zero is, and says he can handle it. He says you can call him with the L2 if he needs a hand. First off, this is the equivalent of a CHILD telling a POLICE OFFICER to call him if he needs help. I think Zero can handle things... but I'm guessing this game is going to MAKE me use Axl.
So after Axl says he'd take care of things, he runs off. Thanks for that.
Zero: "Hmph. Well, this has become a real pain. I want a full explanation after this is all over!"Okay, so Zero said that 3rd sentence with a little extra oomph, like he's upset. The thing is... I don't buy it. This is still terrible voice acting. You can tell he doesn't really care. Also, the game gives a real close up to Zero's face and shows his pixelated mouth not moving while he talks. I wish this game wouldn't exploit it's own flaws. Oh well, I'll let it go because this IS the first Mega Man X PS2 game.
So you fight this scorpion bot for real, as a boss battle. I died because I didn't care, and the game just loads back to the title screen. At first I thought it was turning itself off, but it just loads to the title. No Game over. Nothing.
So I get back to the scorpion boss again. Im so used to real gameplay that actually feels like a Mega Man game like X8, that playing this game feels so off. So yeah, I had to switch to Axl because Zero SUCKS at close combat. Like I said, the game practically MAKES you use Axl. Zero is supposed to be EXCELLENT in close combat, so why is he so terrible in this game?
Anyway, plot time, and there's a load of it. And a load it is indeed...
Axl [in high-tech hexagonal handcuffs]: "I'm not gonna run off, so could you
take this thing off? It makes me feel like a criminal..."Zero: "FEEL like a criminal?"Axl: "Err... OK, maybe what I did was wrong... But, like, we were a perfect
team, dontcha think? When we kicked that big dude's butt, I thought, yeah,
we would make a great combo!"Zero: ". . . "Thanks for that response Zero. Although nothing really is explained, I think Axl needs some duct tape across the mouth.
Axl: "So where's X been lately? I haven't seen him around."STOP TALKING LIKE YOU LIVE HERE AND YOU KNOW EVERYBODY.
Zero: "Sit tight. He's just beyond this door."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[[ Within Maverick Hunter Headquarters ]]
Zero: "Here he is."
Signas: "Nice work, Zero."Ugh... Signas... your voice. WHY IS IT THAT NONE OF THESE VOICE ACTORS KNOW HOW TO... Y'KNOW... ACT!? He sounds so UNINTERESTING.
X: "So you're the one who caused all this trouble."You too X. Stop talking please.
Axl: "I guess so. I had no idea they'd sent that kind of gear after us."X: "Gear? Who's after you?"Axl: "I left Red Alert. Believe it or not, I'm a hunter."Signas: "Red Alert? You mean that gang of wannabe vigilantes?"Shut up.
X: "Do you realize how much damage your internal bickering has caused?"Shut up.
Axl: "I apologize for that. But I had to leave. As for what happened as a
result - that's the way it goes."Shut up.
X: "That's the way it goes? Do you have any idea... !!"
SHUT UP.
Signas: "X, cool it. Alright Axl, why don't you start by telling us why you
left?"
Axl: "Red Alert changed. They're no better than murderers now. They used
me. We used to only attack the bad guys... But not anymore. I couldn't take
it."Zero: "They're going to come for Axl, no doubt."Good. They can HAVE him. It's not like he's worth anything.
Signas: "This is our chance. Red Alert has caused us far too much trouble."This is never explained but okay.
X: "How can you say that?! If we fight, we'll fall right into their hands!
We can't allow this madness to continue."I'm starting to think everyone here is just mindless. Either that, or this is very poor writing. Very very very poor writing. Or maybe it's both. Probably both.
Axl: "I know what you mean, X, but we can't talk them out of this.
Sometimes fighting is the only choice."X: "That's quite enough! You need to back off and pay the dues for your
crimes!""pay the dues for your crimes!" These voice actors, I tell ya.
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[ Transmission incoming ... ]
X: "Alia, what happened?!"Alia: "Unidentified transmission. Feeding to monitor."Alia sounds bad. No surprise there. I'd also would like to say she sounds like a robot, but then again, you can call me Captain Obvious.
Red: "You getting this, hunters!? I am Red, leader of your friends here at
Red Alert. I never imagined our little friend would end up in your hands,
but in any case, I want Axl back, Now, don't you worry. I know he won't come
back easily..."No. That's okay, you can have him. He's yours.
Red: "So how about this? Like you, we are hunters. We've trashed
our share of Mavericks. So how about a duel?"I left my deck at home. Besides, he's yours. We don't want him.
Red: "A duel to determine who the
real Maverick Hunters are. I'm sure you won't mind if we use the Mavericks
that we've captured so far."Uh, dude, why do you wanna fight? We don't want him. He's really just a criminal in our hands at this point (for no reason or any charge I might add), so if you want to negotiate terms, we can not fight and ju-
Red: "So, the last one standing wins! If we lose,
we'll surrender Axl to you. And if we win? Well... We'll leave that to your
imagination!"... you're not listening are you?
X: "You've got to be kidding. Axl has nothing to do with us. We won't
fight the likes of you for his sake."Red: "Well, pretty big talker, for a retiree! We could care less about
deadbeats like you. We just want Axl. He IS there, isn't he? Now you just
sit tight, my boy. Ahahahahah!"YOU. CAN. HAVE. HIM. Why did you just assume we'll fight for him? If you want him so bad, why not negotiate? Did ANYONE think of that?
Alia: "They're already on the move. Mavericks are showing up across the map!
I'll check for damage."Okay, whatever.
Axl: "I'm sorry... This is all my fault."DARN RIGHT IT IS. EXECUTE HIM.
Zero: "Well this is turning into a real mess."Axl: "X, you said I need to pay my dues, right? So, make me a
Maverick Hunter! Me and Zero make a great team, and together we could take
care of Red Alert!"No. No. No no no no no no no. No. No. Just... no. No. No.
No.
No.
...
No.
X: "Are you mad? You have no business as a hunter!"Yes.
Axl: "I'm serious! It would be a perfect chance to make up for my
wrongdoing."No.
Signas: "If you had just gone back, the problem would have been solved. But
I can see that won't be happening."Yes. Wait. What? He's already in handcuffs. Just tie him up some more and ship him back!
Axl: "?!"*sigh* I'm guessing Axl REALLY wants to play and he won't take no for an answer. It's obvious they don't want Axl around. This kid won't get a hint, and this response is just a prime example of how stupid he is.
Zero: "Right. These aren't run - of - the - mill criminals. They won't
listen to reason. And even if Axl did go back, which he won't, would they
stop their misdeeds? I don't think so."
Axl: "Zero, you're my hero! Heh... I knew you'd understand! I always
thought you and X were so cool... I want to fight! I want to be a
Maverick Hunter!"NO.
X: "Not just anybody can become a hunter, kid."YES. YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH TRAINING. YOU HAVE TO GET CERTIFIED. YOU HAVE TO BE CLASSIFIED. YOU'RE JUST A KID WITH A GUN. IN FACT, YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THAT THING. YOU'LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT KID!
Zero: "We're not getting anywhere with this. I'm ready to go."Axl: "No, wait!"No! Go!
Zero: "I'm going by myself. As for you... You can do as you please."No, don't say th-
Axl: "Yeah! X, if I catch all the bounty hunters, you've got to promise me
you'll let me be a Maverick Hunter!"
No, please do-
X: "Talk is cheap. Prove it to me first."...
[ X hands Axl his pistol back ]
X: "And don't forget this."Axl: "OK! I won't let you down."
... did he just really...
Did... did he just... did he just...
Why?
Why X? If you're SO against fighting, why would you let THIS KID go out FIGHTING MAVERICKS. Why would you just randomly let some oddball off the street go out and play cops and robbers with REAL COPS AND ROBBERS? And another thing, if you're against fighting, WHY would you just hand him his gun back? I mean, it makes NO SENSE! This whole thing makes NO SENSE!
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X: "Another pointless conflict has begun..."ANOTHER POINTLESS STORY HAS BEGUN AS WELL.
Signas: "X, don't overthink this. This time our only choice is to fight."No. It wasn't. They just want Axl. We could negotiate, but I'm assuming logic has been erased from everybody's programming in this game. I mean seriously...
X: "We've made this mistake time and time again... Why must Reploids
continue this accursed cycle of aggression?"Stop being so whiny X. Seriously, I thought you were much cooler than this. But if I could add to your list of mistakes, you just made the mistake of handing over a gun to a little kid so he can go shoot things. Good job. I hope you feel accomplished.
[[ End scenes between intro stage and the 8 Maverick stages ]]
So yeah, I'm aware that Axl is some type of "skilled" hunter that can hunt Mavericks but be honest. Would you REALLY want him to be a hero? If you say yes, please go see Rez.
I'm saving here, and I'm gonna stop playing, because I'm unentertained and I think this is enough text for now. Until then
SEE YOU NEXT TIME! [/Mario]