How many times are you kids gonna be like "does any1 remembar me?" before it gets old?

Yeah I remember you, relax.

Forget you man.

I only remember twisted, evil Mobius.

Oh ho ho, I can do it tooooo!

I knew a guy who used to say

Wed Nes Day

And

I

actually say it like

ugh

And

You and your

classic

Ugh

And

Ugh

peanut butter and banana sandwiches

Ugh

Aw-huh

Ugh

Wall-E. Kicked butt.

And SO DID HANCOCK. Great movie.

Hey if I don't like America, then who will?

Besides Lunche.

HEY BIRTHDAY AMAERICA!

Don't tell the Motherland this, but you were always my favorite...

Shut it up, me.

Hey, can't you see the little snow coming out the side of that one picture? Vent, aren't you gonna fix that #####?

Hahahaha.

Chris Farley isn't fit for Ghostbusters even when he's an actual ghost.

If I could hear the exact date of my death, I would be sure to tell you guys.

Posthumously. Mwehehehehe...

Hahahaha

My girlfriend and I broke up today.  Tomorrow was gonna be 11 months BUUUUUT.  It's all gravy.  It was a mutual deal.  Besides, I've already been kinda courting a replacement.  Kinda like hopping trains.  Haha.

I'm with you Mike on the whole AIDS thing.  Even though I myself (having never witnessed first hand the effects of AIDS) am not so offended by it as some are, I do find it very much lacking in humor. That is, I just don't think it's funny. It's dumb.

That being said I menstruated in the Nile and turned their water into locusts.

Such is the beautiful nature of a comic jam.

I'm just letting you guys know ahead of time that I will probably not be on during Christmas so don't expect to see me then.  Because Christmas is a time shared with family.  So yeah.  Just giving you a heads up.  About Christmas.

Majikn, that was totally math.

If there aren't any objections, I think I'd like to post some of my not-so-humorish stuff.  I'm afraid I've become quite the one trick pony at this saloon.

I'm afraid of being too damn sexy.

And murky water.

I know you guys won't believe me. But I'll put it on mi abuelo's grave this is the truth.

I went to camp with the great-niece of George Carlin.

Well it was just an opinion but I only know read your first poem and fine then, if you don't want to be serious at all, here's one from MTV Live by Dan Levy.

Haha man don't worry. You're entitled to your own opinion.

I won't bang on you if you put up a serious poem.  I didn't want to turn this into a haha funny deal.  At least, not completely anyways.

I think he's just happy to see you.

Well say no more, señor.  I have something right up your alley. It's poetry to my ears anyhow.


One day me and my mom went to the mall and saw big t rexes but i cou'ldnt touch them because mom said they were only for looking.  so then we went to a close store and mom bought close for me and they had a t rex on them just like in the mall!! And i was soooooooooo happy that i bite my mom and she made a scary face and then we had to give back the close to the store an so i got green an blue close instead but its ok becaus those are my favarite colors anyway. and then i was mad when i was hungry so we went to mcdanalds an so we got i got a burger and a toy but mom said i could not even play with my own toy!!! so i bite her agin but this time she didnt make me give back my burger but she also put me in the bathrom with her an then she put her curling iron on my back and it hurt a lot because she has it in her purs when i am bad.

And then we went home and then for summer we also went to grammas house and she has lots of funny cats. there is a cat and his name is derek just like my name! gramma is fun because she lets me play video games but sometimes she isnt fun because one time she thru a bottle of her grown-up soda at me and a peece of it poked me on the tummy and i cried because blood came out but she didnt give me a bandaid or nothin.  And she called me poose poose poose and she petted derek the cat. and she called him a poose too. what is a poose?

and that is all i remeber from the summer vucation i had. the end.

Ooh, honey honey, I feel some mega nega-waves in your general direction! Someone toss a sack of hacky on this mack's whacky.

Last night I snuck out and my parents almost killed me.

But I don't think that counts as a near-death experience.

At any rate, Edge is right on the money.  What truely defines a person is not simply confronting mortality, but what is learned and applied from it.  Without wisdom, experience is nothing more than a book with an ending.

Yeah probably. Someone should move this.

Hello and welcome to the coolest joint on the curly fried net, baby.  If you've got a funky fresh side that ya just can't hide, well the time is right to ignite, and toss yo hot self on a pile of style.  But be warned, you're gettin cozy with the most bone-saggin cats that ever meowed.  So if you think you got what it takes to be cool like you-know-who, then stand and deliver, dear brother or sister.

Or maybe, if you know a mama or a papa whose words make your hearts stoppa, then go and coppa and pasta their pretty little ditty so we can click our digits to the rhythm of the boogy, the beat.  You feel me? Ehehehe...


My name is Jake, and this my poem about tissues

Tissue, oh tissue
You're never and issue
Unless you run out
In which case, I miss you

If you were fine cuisine,
In an instant I'd dish you,
And if you were a fine woman,
Why of course I would beat you,

For women belong in the kitchen you see,
Along with scores of food cook-ery,
And if one speaks before she is asked,
Expect for my rage to soon be unmasked.

If the neighbors suspect, she'll not utter a peep,
Or I'd smother her face while she silently sleeps,
I will send dear Tommy to bury her body,
And tell him she was punished for being so naughty.

Thank you.

I just watched Camp Rock on the Disney Channel.

I don't why I put my self through these things.

What the business is goin on here? Somebody go!

: Jakey  13 June 2008, 17:19:56

I went to the premiere of the Incredible Hulk last night.

IT WAS AWESOME.

Holy crap, so so so sosaidfoaisjfoasidfj goooooooooood.  And Liv Tyler is sexy.  Again.  That's two sexy movies she's in that I've seen this year.  Ed Norton did an outstanding job as the Hulk, it was amazing.  The Abomination/Hulk fight was SUPREME.  Giasf9sdu8hf I wanna see it again. Right now.

God there were SO many throwbacks to the classic Hulk TV show.  Like a newly-arranged "The Lonely Man" segment, and friggin Lou Ferrigno.  And of course Stan Lee had the most awesome role of all,

[spoiler]as being the only person in the entire United States to drink the ONE bottle that was poisoned by Banner's gamma infected blood, hahaha[/spoiler]

Just go see it. Today.

It gets a million points.

... Did you text me on my phone at like 3 in the morning?

Someone texted to me that The Incredible Hulk was awesome, and it's from a number I don't recognize.

I don't think I have your number chap.  Unless your name is Travis.  What did it say exactly?

You are easily wrong.

The Happening was an aaaaaaweoijawoeijaowiejaosome movie!  Good lord, two awesome movies in two days.  I'm impressed with myself.

After you leave the theaters, I promise you will become paranoid about everything around you.  I still am.  A little bit.

This Brazilian movie company makes knockoff movies.
I'll let you guess which ones they 'borrow inspiration' from.

"Little Cars"

"Little Bees"

"Ratatoing"

"Gladiformers"

I've been playing GTA4 a lot.  Niko Bellic has gotta be one of the most badass video game characters ever.

IT'S AWESOME

Yeah dude that sucks.  I understand how you feel.  At least I think I sorta do.  It's the worst when you can't find out anything about the situation, and so your brain is left to imagine all horrible kinds of scenarios.  Glad it wasn't your friend though.

Saw the Hulk last night, went back to my friend's house, played GTA4, snuck back home about 4:45 AM.  I was sooo freaking beat, man.  Planning on seeing The Happening today with my girl and her family, should be fun.

I lead such an interesting and fun-filled life, don't I?

OH, I got a new iPod.  It's one of them newer Nanos, pretty snazzy. Got it in black.  Mmhm.

I went to the premiere of the Incredible Hulk last night.

IT WAS AWESOME.

Holy crap, so so so sosaidfoaisjfoasidfj goooooooooood.  And Liv Tyler is sexy.  Again.  That's two sexy movies she's in that I've seen this year.  Ed Norton did an outstanding job as the Hulk, it was amazing.  The Abomination/Hulk fight was SUPREME.  Giasf9sdu8hf I wanna see it again. Right now.

God there were SO many throwbacks to the classic Hulk TV show.  Like a newly-arranged "The Lonely Man" segment, and friggin Lou Ferrigno.  And of course Stan Lee had the most awesome role of all,

[spoiler]as being the only person in the entire United States to drink the ONE bottle that was poisoned by Banner's gamma infected blood, hahaha[/spoiler]

Just go see it. Today.

It gets a million points.

Been thinking of getting that. But I don't know.

How's the explicit content? I want to know if I can play it at work.

I've heard "Everybody Nose" live and it wasn't that great. Video was better.

It's not terrible, I think it would be cool for playing at work.

That would be like the ultimate time-waster.  I could see myself logging 8 hours of that mess every day.

Great CD.

Most of the music has been sounds pretty simple though.  That's because they're planning on playing all of their music live.  So it's aight.  My favorite off the album is either "Love Bomb" or "Killjoy." There's a couple of other goodies but those are the ones that stood out more.

I give it a turkey hand with out the head.

HAHAHAHAHA I used to dream about that all the time.

You know you're addicted to MMM when you experienced orgasmic-level pleasure when the board finally returned.

Yeah II was pretty badass.

But I was badasser.

III was just ass.

But the best MK in my opinion is Super Mario Kart. 64 was terrible.

Listen to this man, he knows what he's talking about.

It's so sad, whenever I talk to my friends about Mario Kart, most of them had no idea that there was a Super Mario Kart. I'm like, COME ON!  It's THE Mario Kart!!

Yeah, the thing I said before? You're not doing it.

Stop saying dumb things.

Yeah, JC's got the hookup.  MOX's is just a CRAPPY COPY.  Stupid dummy. Haha.

I've been playing Line Rider like nonstop for the past week.  So baaaad.

You forgot the part where Horatio slips on his sunglasses.  THEN he says the catch phrase.

YYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wow Opal, I kind of want to destroy you.

That wasn't even an indian sunburn, much less a sickburn.

What the shell.

WHO said you could take my picture.

http://www.myspace.com/djjkproduction

There's my music.

Drumline is the awesomest movie ever.

Haha wahhat i'm not biased!

Also Nick Cannon is the sexiest man alive. No homo.

Lay off the lime green lifesavers, boy.

And what's all this business about paunching lil ole me?  I'm brittle.  Like a sack of crumbly biscuits.